Why can't I get it right!?

For those who've seen HiH Chapter 20's summary you know what this is mainly about, but for those who haven't its to explain why I haven't been able to get any art or stories done in the last two months. Lately I've been having some feelings about how I do my artwork and write out my stories, the title is basically my response to how I feel about them. I literally feel like I can never seem to get either of them right. My stories don't have everything I want to convey and my hand can't seem to truly sketch the art I'm trying to make.

Now before anyone jumps to this assumption due to past experience with some journals of mine, I'm not going to reboot HiH again. I promised that the 2015 reboot was the final time and I like how I've made this incarnation's story way too much to give it up and start over, at most I'm simply struggling with where I am right now. The best way I can define this feeling is that I'm struggling with where I am at the moment due to what I said in the paragraph above. I wasn't sure how to explain this feeling, so eventually I asked a friend of mine who is a writer, AduroTri, about how I was feeling and if he could explain it since I wasn't fully sure on what I was feeling. From what I described, he feels that I might be feeling stagnation.

Basically to sum it up, apparently I'm feeling like I'm stagnating in my writing and my artwork. Like a part of me realizes that there's something I need to do or overcome before I can really achieve what I wish. Though it might also just be something I'm stuck on and a problem my own mind is creating. The problem there is if it's the latter then I have no idea what that mind problem could be, and if it's the former than how am I supposed to break that stagnation? Trying to find to both is hard, and having this feeling is even harder due to how it's interfering with my work. 

I don't even have any clues towards which of the two feelings is the right one, and even if I did I don't know how to solve the problem associated with either. It's a terrible feeling, if I have any clues the closest I can think of is this one, and I'm feeling even this one is likely a really big stretch. Before I got to doing Hearts in Harmony, I made a fanfic series based on a Next-Gen Sonic the Hedgehog type setting. I feel it was probably the best work I've ever made even up to know and still is, then one day it all ended instantly.

Before now I've told most of you that I stopped the series because I had an incident where I made a bad edit where I saved and my word file closed before I could hit undo messing up all the work I had done, but that was a tall tail I made cause I was too embarrassed to admit the real reason I ended it. What really happened was... I just simply gave up on it, after trying to expand past what should have been the ending I eventually cracked. So I decided erase everything about the series, deny it ever existed when I could have removed the continuation and changed the last chapter so it fit as an ending better. I recently found some of that fanfic on a flashdrive I never knew still had it, and looking at it now I feel it was a big mistake. I won't continue the fanfic but it serves as a reminder as back then and what mistakes I wanna avoid with Hearts in Harmony.

In a way, when I denied the series its own existence... I lost a large portion of my skills with it. Like I took a part of me away with it. I did take a break but not one long enough that my skills should have been majorly effected and decayed as much as they did. Comparing those old works to my current I can honestly saw my skills were much better back then. That makes this apparent stagnation all the more confusing and lacking and clues or answers towards it. While I feel like I have improved and gotten much better, when comparing it with my prototype works form way back then... It makes my current work seem dull and it makes me feel unsatisfied.

Its like I'm lacking something, and no matter how much I try I can't get it to work the way I intend. When I'm thinking of anything, my mind feels so clear and precise with how I want to think, but when I try to type or draw something it its almost like there's a blockade. Like something not letting me create any better than I am now, or as if I can't manifest my thoughts properly into the writing. No matter how descriptive I attempt to be or how much I define any singular situation in my writing it feels like something's wrong or just off. Like I'm being held back by some unknown force, and one that I can't tell if its myself or something else I'm not sure of like just the flow of things.

I kinda expected this to be shorter, so sorry if it seemed like I rambled on a bit about this. I just really don't like how things with skills feel at the moment so I'm likely not gonna get much if any new art or stories done for a bit, right now my primary focus I think will be to go over the current 20 chapters of Hearts in Harmony and fix them up so I can get them to express the story the right way. Hopefully once I can do that and get past this issue I'll be able to get back into the swing of things and regain my mojo. I don't know if anyone else understands the feeling(s) I have right now, and I don't know how many of you know how to help me in any form, but hopefully your support will get me through this.